sigh. didn't do as well as expected.

EL: 20/50( paper 2)

       38/60( paper one)

HCL:  screwed but there's an A la...

MATHS: just A1. i screwed my 80 due to stupid SWA and presentations units. =.=

Geog: dun mention. the cohort only like less than half passed.

history: 30/55

Lit: 42/75

science: aiya, add chem bio is actually quite okay de...

When i was blog hopping, and went to KEITH'S blog, this is what i've found:

Falling In Love; the three words that stumble the world. The feeling of this emotion is describable. I guess it's the feeling that makes the world go around, and the feeling that causes one to reflect on the problems, mistakes, and in the end, one learns life lessons - Decision making and getting love struck. Love Struck is also another term I wish I could explain, but I guess that I'm not wise to do so. These three words, Falling In Love, represent a lot of ideas, and dreams. To analyze this phrase, I guess I'll explain each word:

Falling: We fall in love. This means we can hurt ourselves in the course, just like a baby learning to walk or a person learning to cycle. We don't find love; we merely find it, we don't want it or use it. Why falling out of all words? Falling represents accident. This means that when one falls in the abyss of love, chances are, he's stuck there, unless he climbs out of it, or starts finding uses of the hole- exploit love. Why not kick love? Punch? Toss? Sincerity. The only thing that distinguish the faithful and the flirts.

In: Don't underestimate this two-letter word. This word can affect the overall interpretation of this mind-blogging word. When we fall in love, we don't fall under love, above love, or on love. Firstly, when we fall under love, love overpowers us, in other words, we are like puppets controlled under the puppet master called Love. To encapsulate, it just means that we don't fully understand love, neither do we know how to manipulate it. Secondly, we don't fall above love. This means that we overpower love. We control the other party like a toy; in the end, it's us that ends up like a broken toy, unwanted and destroyed, and shameful to face the world. Thirdly, we don't fall on love; unless we are horizontally challenged. For partially dumb people, this means that you are too fat, and when you fall on love, you broke it. Dumb tarts.

Love: This unexplainable word most probably speaks it all. This word has a reason, for not being infatuation, liking or enjoyment. Falling into liking. Liking is just a feeling of temporary happiness with the person. Chances are, it won't last till the end of eternity. Infatuation refers to the sudden passion of someone. This is stupid. This word means that you like the person because of looks. Lust. Get it? This means that you think the person is extremely handsome or pretty that you want to spend the rest of your life with the person. Stupid huh? Enjoyment. Falling into enjoyment. Only no-life-ers have this weird, screwed-up feeling. Again, stupid word to put in. Alrighty then genius, find me a word to substitute in.

That's how I put "Falling In Love" into words, Keith-version. Mine might be bias due to lack of experience and I guess, bad experience. For that girl out there, you know who you are. I'm waiting for you. And I hope things might change.

Frankly, in my life, I have 2 regrets. The first, not treating you well enough, till the part where I learned to appreciate you, but by that time, I already lost you. The second, seeing you with your special-someone really breaks my heart, for I know that, that guy could have been me.

I haven't given up. Nothing has changed I guess. Feelings just got deeper and I know that you are the only one in my heart, and no one can replace you I guess. Sometime this month, you'll be leaving for Cambodia. Winnie, do take care of her. I can't bear to see her hurt. I'll wait for you. Even if it takes eternity. I know that somewhere deep in you, you still have those feelings we used to share. Can I bother you to look up to them again. Refresh your memories. Please.

And i kinda you gan er fa...

maybe this is really called 失去后才发现原来他如此重要. but i suppose his situation is much mach better than mine. they've once shared feelings. me? we didn't get to share any happy memories and we just walked out of each others life. no chance to find the truth, no chance to really walk back into the past. nothing could be salvaged. now to my definition of FALLING IN LOVE

Falling: we can fall in love. or actually practically everyone has the chance to. the only difference is the result that you get from falling in love. just take a real example. C AND A love each other and that there's a M popping out, thet loves A. Hence, in this case, C and A falls in love happily like a fairy tale. but for M is just a one sided one. though she sincerely hopes that there's that someone out there would also like her back, but then...:( another example is when all three for example K, S and T. K likes S but S like T. den T likes K. no commonality. 

In: Don't underestimate this two-letter word. This word can affect the overall interpretation of this mind-blogging word. When we fall in love, we don't fall under love, above love, or on love. Firstly, when we fall under love, love overpowers us, in other words, we are like puppets controlled under the puppet master called Love. To encapsulate, it just means that we don't fully understand love, neither do we know how to manipulate it. Secondly, we don't fall above love. This means that we overpower love. We control the other party like a toy; in the end, it's us that ends up like a broken toy, unwanted and destroyed, and shameful to face the world. Thirdly, we don't fall on love; unless we are horizontally challenged. For partially dumb people, this means that you are too fat, and when you fall on love, you broke it. Dumb tarts. ( having same sentiments as keith)

Love: Love is not admire, liking, crush. Admire, like and having a crush on might only last for a short period of time due to the passion. when you do not have the passion, the like would slowly fade away. but for love is for eternity. Your love for a person would nt fade even when the looks of tht person changes. you love him/ her for who they are, what they are.

I guess i'd leave the world with this regret, unable to tell you in person that i really love you. maybe i am really a coward when faced relationship. i might be daring in other aspects but when it comes to this...i really CMI. maybe i am afraid of getting hurt, getting avoided. i suppose i rather remain status quo. at least in this way, you won't gt to know and tht you'll continue your life as happy as ever. Some ppl say tht ppl i like are very unlucky. yeah...i suppose that's a fact that i can't deny. so, i guess i'm deprived of the chance to really love. maybe love isn't the word that i can use. maybe the words "solo, lonely" are meant for ppl like me. ppl asked me to give up on you. i guess i can't. maybe this is called 爱到无法自拔. trying to really let go of this feeling, but when i see you...i can't. i guess i'll just stand@ a corner and see you. 我将这份感情放在心里.

I haven't given upand i don't think i will. Nothing has changed I guess. Feelings just got deeper and I know that you are the only one in my heart, and no one can replace you I guess. maybe when i go for chongqing, i can put down eveything and start a new life? but i dun really think so. its too deep...too deep.

 I'll wait for you. Even if it takes eternity.Even when the 1000000th ppl asks me to give up and put down the past.  

exams are over. yet i still gt tuition.

yeah...went annexe project and started on indices. so pek chek can...

the figures freak me out.

and tht 90 mins seem very man chang today.

AND FINALLY!

i saw TWINNIE! she looked funny...haha. but seriously, too...old for her to wear tht shirt.

talking abt yesterday, 外婆, and my uncle's family come out of malaysia.

dn when serene came returning laptop,  外婆 cry! cos she damn long nvr go back m'sia le. and she misses her

and we played the hokkien video...and i was crazy singing. haha. super uber funny.

and JACOB came. so cute can. i was busy looking after him. haha. he's damn cute and adorable. and i carried a child! OMG. so scared he drop frm my hand can! haha...greenhorn mahh...

den swimming@ tampines swimming complex with____________. i had a great "massage", its chao ji de pain can?! ( haha...you know)

and dinner!!! i was fascinated by the mushroom. haha. uber disgusting.

yeah...den sleep lorr...

累了 照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了 心跳在梦中
不听话的就停止了
听着 呼吸像浪潮摆动着
越美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏 都难掌握

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以让他陪你 我不怪你

快乐 什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的 最舍不得

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发
蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以 让他陪你
如果我变成回忆 最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气 霸占你心里每一寸空隙
原来依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平 请你尽力 把我忘记

exams are finally over. kinda stress free.

i mean the main papers. those that really made me stresses out these few days.

anyway, yeah, haven't talk finish my sheng ri tht day right.

THANKS 2BN'09. for the birthday song in the canteen. i thot t.winnie didn't dare but you guys did. well, love you guys alot.

and the presents. rouying( i'm gonna smack pineapple using this) cherylmine, you write so much i very de gan dong. and its very de big. valerie, my :)suanmei:) haha. i sleep with tht every night. and many many more. really thanks

after that was exam. chiong-ing lorr...except HCL paper that day i screwed,  but i managed to save it i guess?!

that day also the sec 4 graduation. during dinner the councillor with beehoon and fruit punch. haha. yuanan ate 20 balls there and da bao-ed home. so tan chi...haha

and shirlyn was....hmm...i dunno how to say. maybe weird

thinks me yuanan together.

haha. WE ARE COUSINS NOT COUPLE.

and you dun luan lai with ^ahem^.

and he really very dao dao de mah...

what you want me say??????

its a fact not an opinion.

den daddy fetched jiawei and yuanan home. had fun o car yeahh...with my sis. jiawei was...hilarious. OMG!

and yeah. exams exams exams

streaming.

and yeah...i ren a son and a daughter.

WONG LI KAI

TAN ROU YING

haha...

i love the picture on top. :)

thanks ppl.

for all your well wishes. i had a wonderful birthday on 1 oct 2009.

thanks to

(not in any order)

daddy, mummy, elaine, and all my relatives :)

yuli( twin)

li kai

rouying

cherylmine

t.winnie

andrew

valerie

fang yu

seekim

jiaxin

jeanette

jia ai

cheng cheng

denise

xinhui

beehoon

ean xiang

yenling

florence

youmin

kai rong

jillian

valerie

sylvia

singyee

xinyu

edgar

hsin tung

weicen

zhao yan

qiu lin

yujia

huicong

felicia

xinghwee

beatrice

yanzhan

yuki

estee

nainwei

theresa

sandar

cheryl kao

cheryl wifey

li shan

ka wing

germaine

xiao wen

zhiyang

kwok weng

claudia

charles

alina

clement

nathaniel

chrystal

mrs ho

mdm wee

miss liu

mr liow

and many more. sorry to those i didn't thank.

thanks alot to you guys.  i really feel very happy!!! haha

still, something's missing.
is it, you?

idk why.
but i hope it's a right decision made.
cause i never regret liking you 
though i know that i will never be as gd as compared to her

i think i am very stupid, to hold on to something that i know will never have an ending

regardless happy or a unhappy ending

despite being hurt the first time, i didn't learn my lesson.

i rather get hurt again. and just wallowing in self pity.

whywhy i am so dumb? am i a retard or something? i suppose i am one la. cos i dun zhi cuo neng gai.

but thats my life. isn't it?  maybe i am born to be like this.

born to be only involved in one sided love, being the third party of ppl's relationship.

but i didn't wanted it to be like this. who would want to be like this. i supposed everyone wanted to have a happy ending. and to have the relationship that they dream. it didn't appear to be the one i wanted. in fact, everything backfired. since start of this yr. i didn't blame my ex of his friends for this. but just that maybe because of all these, dreams shattered. or maybe i shouldn't even had appeared. maybe i shouldn't be in this world. i guess maybe its time to put down everything and leave

before that, i just wanna say that i don;t hate, dun regret whatever i've done/ because maybe if i didn't do all these, i won't know the answer that you wanna give me. and now that i have got it, i think its time to put everything to an end. continue with your life. i will be helping you, hoping that everything goes well for you. maybe when i leave, i am free from all these sorrow and unhappiness and tht i can find the true me. i guess what you guys said were right. i should just be in the lonely land where no one is there with me, listening to my own music, walkin the streets. doing my own stuffs.

lastly to my beloved boss. thanks for your messages just now. maybe i have woke up from the dream. i should face reality and continue with life. thanks for everything. and i just wanna say. good luck.

bye ppl.

当曾经真爱如生命的人即将相逢陌路的时,才恍然大误. 
原来曾经以为的天长地久,其实只不过是平水相逢. 
曾经以为可以这样牵着你手一路走下去,可是放手拉 
才明白,一切只是俩条平行线偶尔的相交.当一切都烟消云散, 
平行依旧平行,即使相隔不远,也以是人个天涯`爱你我真的怕了吗? 
勇敢的代价是自己先放下,承认失败,接受无奈,轻轻的叹一口气, 
祝福她今后的日子幸福快乐,从此心若止水,难起波澜. 
幸福的感觉也许只能是刹那的,刹那过后,是一个人的精彩. 
放手后的日子里,多少会有一些孤单,寂寞,一个人静静的发呆. 
会莫名其妙地为一首歌,一部戏,甚至是一句话而泪流满面,总是感觉 
天是黑的,云是灰的,总觉得失去了生活的意义.
可是 朋友告诉我,你什么都没有失去,你只是回到认识她以前的日子. 
我们都是平凡的红尘男女,挣脱不出爱情牢栏,逃不出爱与被爱的旋涡. 
心碎神伤后,是慢无止境的寂寞吗?或许吧, 
但是细细体味寂寞后的潇洒,想想除了她以为的快乐,想想 
再也不用为了猜测她的心思而绞尽脑汁,会不会轻舒一口气, 
感觉轻松一点?是真的放开了吧?可是平静的面对她,虽然心里 
有中说不出来的酸楚,可是我不在流泪, 
哭泣是因为一个人的记忆在心里,无论怎么样也不肯散去. 
我一次次的问自己,爱你我怕了吗?答案是肯定的,怕了， 
我真的怕拉.千疮百孔的心脆弱得再也经不起痛入骨髓的折磨, 
于是放了她,也是放了自己的一条生路,把她凝结成一幅画, 
深深的刻在脑海里,看着,想着,可是不会再做画中人.置身画外, 
才能更好的欣赏画的美丽,不是吗?用力的握握手,真诚的说一声, 
再见,珍重!转过头,洒脱的走掉,让背影深深地烙刻在她的脑海里. 
当你能够用释然的心态去会议你们的曾经的点点滴滴,你就可以体会 
到放手后的美丽,上帝让我在错误的时间认识你,我哭拉, 
让我在正确的时间认识你, 
你会哭吗?次次都说放下次次都不能真正的放得下, 
不知道自己还能这样骗自己多久. 
天縂会黒,朲要囄别,谁也鈈能咏远阫谁 
也许我昰袮的过愙~可袮昰我的婍迹！ 
也许某天.在喧闹的城市中.伱我擦肩而过. 
我会停住脚步.凝望著那个正在远去的背影告诉自己 
:"那个人.我曾经爱过… 

Dear Diary,

well,

just came back from tuition

had test.

yeah

talking abt friday

MATHS TEST

i tried my best le.

so...i think i can score well

meet my target

den art

need do report and ppt

doing it NOW!

behind i forgot le.

yeah...

and talking abt saturday

tired is the only word that can be used to describe me

cos my hse furnished.

new furniture

new tv and stuffs

more like renovation

looked different and bigger

and obviously nicer

i like my studying table

twice as big as previous

and its black!!!

damn cool can!

and also

the tv! its 40 cun! not 40cm like last time the small small one

not its big

very big

very clear

so lovely

and yeah

going jeanette's house tomorrow

i dunno how to go there

first time going bungalow

haha

like sua ku horr..

but i am mah...

Love,

Mabel